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Thursday, May 15, 2008

BREATH ON MY FACE....

My husband was an only child and didn’t want to have children. He said, “ You don’t miss what you don’t have,” but that sure didn’t work for me. My heart ached for a child—or two or three! We waited five years because of my husband’s reservations, then finally had one.

My son, Drew, was just the perfect baby! He was like a cat in the way he could sleep. He’d hit the pillow and snooze of ten or twelve hours a night. Then , during the day, just take two three-hour naps. That’s eighteen hours a day—just like our cat. When he grew up and started school, I had to break him of that second three-hour nap because there wasn’t enough time in the day.



When Drew was awake, he was like every other boy, active, playful and full of energy. He grew up tall and slim. Despite his slender frame, he was quite a good athlete. He excelled at basketball and bowling.

Every mother loves her children and thinks they are angels, but my Drew was truly beyond the norm in how he showered me with hugs and attention. There was nothing I asked of him that he wouldn’t do. Even in his teenage years, he bent over backwards to please me. His father and I separated when he was young and from that point on he felt a sense of importance, like he was the “man of the house,” the protector of his little sister, Annie, and me.

The years flew by. Drew graduated high school and went to college. He was a dedicated student, making the dean’s list in the tough field of electrical engineering. He was always studying, pouring himself into his chosen field. I was so proud of him.

A week before enrolling in his fourth year, Drew called me into his room. He was very serious. He said that he was feeling strange and was hearing voices in his head. Alarmed I wanted to make immediate appointment to see a doctor. “NO,” he said. “ I think it’s just a phase all boys go through as they mature. I’ll be okay.” That was troubling to me because I was sure hearing voices wasn’t part of a phase that everyone goes through.

One Saturday morning, he left the house and didn’t come back. I thought he went directly to his part time job in a fast food chain, but that was unusual because he always called me or came home first. Days passed and Drew didn’t resurface. We checked with his friends and places he regularly visited but we couldn’t find a trace of him. Finally, on the fifth day, Drew called and meekly asked if he could come home. When he arrived, he said he had no memory of those five days. He just blacked out. That was disturbing.

That night, Drew took all the pills he could .....to be cont.


DJtammy

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