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Monday, July 6, 2009

I Am a Heartless B*tch!

Dear Lord,

First and foremost I would like to say thank you for the blessings you gave me.


for they never turn their back on me,
for their unfailing support when I'm so down,
for always telling me to move on every time I fall down,
and for the unconditional love.


Thank you Lord for giving me such a wonderful blessing in my life.
I know, I made a mistake but thank you Lord for giving me the courage to face everything.
He is the best prize for all of my mistakes and failures.


I have a lot of friends but few I can really trust.
I'm afraid to trust Lord because I hate betrayal.
I know how it feels, it happens most of the time when I am too trustful.
To the people I trust most, Thank you so much for always listening.
To Angie, who always listen to me and to my advices.
No matter what I say, she never take it differently!
To bill, who always listen to me.
To David who always make me laugh.
To all my friends, thank you so much!

I don't want to carry my own chair Lord but I know when I say something I mean it and it is not for me but to the people who are important to me.
I hate the fact that I can give advice to my friends and they take it wholeheartedly but the one I love most taught I was giving a bad reactions.
Lord, I am not! Believe me, I am just trying to make it simple and coz i know every problem there is a solution. I think Lord, it is his way of saying back off. That is why i'm doing myself a favor now.

Lord, I know I have been so bad.
I am a one tough bitch Lord
But now, I am a heartless bitch!
I have hurt a lot of people Lord and I am so sorry for that.
and I promise, before this months end, I would like to say sorry to them.
I don't want to question you Lord
But why is that when I try to make my path straight,
I always end up crying!
Would I better stay as bitch to avoid being hurt?

I made a big mistake, I hurt the person who love me most and now
I end up crying alone! But this is not the end Lord, this will be the beginning of a new battle. I will never stop fighting and if ever I lost the fight, I will just stand up and fight some more until I win.

hey, this is not a suicide letter or a dying prayer ok!
Trust me, i just want to pour out all my feelings until its finally gone!



Dorothy L said...

Goodness Tammy...what ever happened to make you sound so sorrowful?

I read your thoughts several times and I cannot understand what you have done to make you feel this way.Whatever you have done to hurt this person...they will forgive you..none of us are above making mistakes girl.

Your shout on my shout box was very urgent sounding...
Please mail me if you need any kind of support at all.

I hope that your day will soon be full of sunshine.

David Funk said...

I share much of Dorothy's comment, too. She is right that no one is above making mistakes, and people can be forgiving.

I do appreciate the mention and kind words, but this is about you. I hope for the best for you and God Bless my dear friend!

Dorothy L said...

Hey Tammy
Listen must stop expecting anything in return. This is only going to make you feel hurt more. In relationships we treat the other person how we do because we want to and it is how we choose to..This is not done so that down the road we can me back because of everything I have done for you.
ALso...your choice to leave the other and go with this one was your is no-ones fault if you take their advice sweety. You made this did not turn out.
That is that. He has made a choice that you and he are not compatible for whatever reasons...that is his right as it was your to not choose the other.
I know I am sounding cold and factual...but you need to think factual right now or you will get stuck in this hurt.
We choose our own roads....unless someone knocks us out, ties us up and drags us is only our choices that we have made that are the cause of where we end up.

So...for every door that closes in life a new one is waiting to be opened. Open a new door Tammy and do not waste another tear on a bad decision.

I know it hurts and you want to hurt back. But this is not a good emotion to get stuck in.

Look forward to a new day and new choices to be made.

Also this first guy that you did not choose...maybe he is not the one for you and I believe that everything does happen for a reason.
You can write me here anytime.


Genejosh said...

you're a courageous woman of putting your sentiments to the Lord..I hope he'll touch you sis and hope I could be of any help to you sis...I'm far from you..all I can do is pray for you...Always remember that God loves you so much so do I....Take care..everything we'll be fine in His hand...

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Prettymom said...

hi mommy tam. hope you will fell better soon. always remember we are to support you, and i am just a finger tips away from you

augustinian said...

hello tammy, i don't know what ur problem really is but basing from dorothy's comment, i somehow got an idea what was it all about.

It is really hard to accept such reality - Wake up! Shake it off... Don't waste anymore brain matter, time & effort at it anymore. This is where you are now: live in it, breathe it, take it in... And, easier said than done, forget about it - the feelings, the emotions - nothing will come of it.

A Blog/Diary is there for you to assess the past 24hrs of your life, a means to share your ideas, a channel for one to release frustrations & anger... after you do share, that is now a piece of the past. It had already happened, and will never happen again given the same circumstances. It is never acceptable nor is it ethical to use it as a security blanket.

When it takes too long, and it becomes too much of a burden to create new bonds, wander away from comforting memories or even experience new loves, then, in a way, you're just confusing yourself, ok!

Always remember this quote:
"It's the choices we make that make us human."

Dhemz said...

I agree with Ms.D and Mr.D dear....they are life there's always challenges that we need to face...what ever the circumstances are...just be strong and hope for the best...I am sure God hears all your prayers....don't get too depress ok?! :) au-au...:)

Star-chuu said... is hard for us to decide if love is involved.

You're not already a child, we grown up in this world and become strong because of what we experienced from our past. Don't look back dear friend, the good future is near you. You have kids to love and to take care, they are more precious than others. As I said, just wait for a right time, God knows best for you.

"Yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow is but a vision but today is a living reality."

Mao ra na akong gin butang sa akoang huna-huna tam..nga ang tanan nga nahitabo sa akoa, isa ra ka damgo...basta ang importante ang karon..hay nalang...ayaw pangluya oi...daghan bitaw ga love sa positive, ok...laag ra sa office, langga..kay maau baya ko mag-dugang ug problema..hehehe..joke ra..

Phebie said...

Gurl, what happened to u? anyway, in everything giev thanks for this is the will of God! I pray that you will be alright! We are here for you fren! Smile na hapit na ra ba imo bday...lolz!

Bill said...

hey lady i am back and sorry i did not read this earlier. I just read your email. I am so sorry that you got hurt. I am in agreement with Dorthy and David. You need to move on and start your life a new. You have Ziggy and your family and friends here we will be here for you. I know God hears your thoughts and prayers and he will answer you. My prayers go out to you and Ziggy my dear friend.

djtammy said...

I feel better now Bill :-) Yeah, move on..thats the best thing i can do now...